My Eurovision drinking game & rules

Ok, those who know me will know that I’m a Eurovision tragic.

The three nights of the year SBS broadcasts the contest are permanently etched in my diary. Nothing, save the last days or a hot women offering me pleasure, will take me away from these three hilarious nights of terrible costumes, horrible voices, and hilarious snark.

And despite not being a drinker, I think it’s important for others to enjoy Eurovision whilst drunk. Shots, wine, absinthe – skull down whatever you keep as your favourite poison during the show.

To make it fun, here’s my rules for a Eurovision drinking game.

A word of warning. If you’re going to play this properly, please be a responsible host – and make sure you have a spare bed for your guests to sleep in rather than them risking their life on the roads.

Rules

Simple, each time one of these things happen – you have to take a drink.

Entire glass/bottle

  • UK or Ireland win (will be needed to survive their encore performance)
  • Obvious miming

Three shots/Skull

  • Wardrobe malfunction
  • Singing in invented languages
  • French entrant sings in English
  • Use of a water feature in an act

Two shots/Big gulp

  • Fireworks, pyrotechnics
  • Singer who evokes Adele undertones (gender doesn’t matter)
  • Lead singer with tattoos
  • Wind machines
  • Martial arts moves
  • Artists or their backups wearing leather or similar
  • Burlesque outfits
  • Any time Israel is mentioned
  • Strobe lighting

One shot/Sip

  • Buff men sans shirt
  • Anytime the UK is awarded points
  • Use of ethnic instrument
  • Country’s points presenter unnecessarily drags out announcing their votes
  • Any time the audience is heard booing the current act or country’s points announcement

Happy drinking!

SwF + RtL = Fail, or why fans matter

So if you’ve read Techdirt, you’d know their formula of CwF+RtB = The Business Model. It stands for:

Connect with Fans (CwF) + Reason to Buy (RtB)

 

I’d like to modify this a little, with a variation I’m coining SwF + RtL = Fail, or expanded;

Screw with Fans (SwF) + Reason to Leave (RtL) = Failure

 

I’ve coined this today after the Ten Networks’ decision this weekend to royally shaft mess up the schedule for Formula 1 fans in Western Australia.

One, the networks HD multichannel targeting sport entertainment, drama and comedy; has made a point of screening both Formula 1 qualifying and races live to air. This is a vast improvement over what fans experienced whilst the Nine Network held the broadcasting rights for this sport in the previous decade.

We will however avoid discussing their woeful pre-race show offering, and their poor scheduling of ad breaks which usually occurs at critical times. These are topics that are worthy of entire posts in their own right.

One has also been running a TV commercial (TVC) highlighting the networks commitment to Formula 1, and that from later this month all races will be screened live.

However, this weekends programming flies in the face of their effort to date and the aforementioned current TVC.

The F1 race will now be shown nearly two hours delayed into Western Australia, and instead screened on the networks SD channel (10). In its place on one, you will instead see a movie from 2001, and a significantly delayed (per normal) telecast of Australian Women’s Netball.

So that explains the screw with fans (SwF) side of the equation , but how does reason to leave (RtL) fit into this?

Simple. The screwing with fans gives them a reason to leave, for second screen viewing options, and use of VPN services to access better quality live broadcast of the sport.

I know amongst my circle of friends across Australia that this is already happening, and most of them having the technical ability (or the Google-Fu) to access UK-based VPN services – which in turn allow them to use internet services provided by the likes of BBC and SkyUK to access live broadcasts and feeds.

And all of this is at a time when the Ten Network is having a horror of a time, with its profits taking continued hits, continually declining viewer share, a less than impressive start to its new breakfast show, and a swathe of new reality shows – one of which may not even get off the ground thanks to an irate council and residents.

So, what can Network Ten do about this – and reverse their direction to avoid annoying fans? Listen, and deliver. Will it happen? Probably not.

Australian Twitter user and big F1 fan Supercujo had this to say after trying to speak to the network about it:

Just rang ten Perth about the #F1 delayed telecast. They don’t give a toss. Give them a call on 9345 1010.
2:30 PM – 17 Apr 12

And he’s just one of a number of Australian fans talking about it right now on twitter. Tweets have even been sent to Western Australian born F1 driver Daniel Riccardo, and local Ten News sports supremo Tim Gossage to see if they can get the network to listen.

I’m doing my part to drive the conversation online, and I’ve also sent off a considered email to the network asking them to step up and fix the scheduling snafu for WA F1 fans. My email is below.

Will anything come from all of this – likely not. However, we all need to make our views known so they at least know we give a damm when they pull scheduling moves like this.

If you feel strongly about shafting of F1 fans, I’d advise you to let your feelings known by email (contactone@networkten.com.au), by twitter (@tensporttv, @OneHD, @TimGossage) and Facebook (One HD, Channel 10). The more people who express their views, the more chance you have of getting your voice heard.

And now, for a copy of my email to the network:

To: contactone@networkten.com.au
Subject: F1 delayed telecast in SD this weekend
Date: Tue 17/04/2012 2:52 PM

To whom it may concern,

I write to express my displeasure over the scheduling of the F1 broadcast this weekend in Western Australia.

Firstly, It has always been broadcast on One in HD – one of the big and only advantages we have in Australia considering how woeful your pre-show is.

Moving it onto Ten, at a time when One has been heavily advertising it’s position on that channel and it’s soon guaranteed live status, seems entirely counter productive to this very strategy and intent.

But worse still, the race will broadcast nearly 2hrs delayed into WA – on a night where One will instead be choosing to screen a movie from 2001 and some non-live Netball coverage.

Australian F1 fans suffered for years at the hands of the Nine Network, with unpredictable schedules, screening at an indecent hour, and a total lack of live coverage.

While Network Ten has vastly improved the offering to loyal fans of the sport since taking the broadcasting rights, the step backwards its Programming Dept. has taken with this weekends schedule flies in the face of all the network’s efforts to date.

If this is the kind of backwards decision making we can expect despite TVC advertising campaigns promising otherwise; it it any wonder why more and more fans are option for second screen viewing of the race and pre-show options.

My preference is already shifting towards using UK-based VPN services to watch live and direct, a decision driven by decent commentary, engaging pre-show coverage, and no ad breaks (usually inserted by your network at critical points of the race).

If Network Ten wishes for its fans to move to second screen viewing of F1 broadcasts, keep doing what you’re doing. It’s a great way to alienate fans and reduce viewing numbers; leading to further reductions in advertising revenue, something which the network at this time can ill afford.

Kind regards,

Michael Harris